OK, so I'm not that great with regular blogging. Since I last posted I flew through graduation, my son's birth, ordination to the deaconate, starting my first full job as a minister, the start of the program year in my parish, ordination to the priesthood, my first Eucharist, my first Christmas as a priest, my first wedding as celebrant, my first funeral as celebrant, and now I think there aren't many more firsts left. I haven't done a baptism yet, but I am sure that will happen soon.
I am getting the idea that the tougher part of a transition is after the change has been made. Now I have to live with what I am and what I do, whereas before it was only a thought experiment. Now memories of this life are being laid down in my mind, and now my identity is being reformed around these new roles that before were only possibilities and conjectures. The transition then has only begun. Somewhere down the road I will be more fully actualized as this priest that I am. Right now I have very little to go on to find stability and strength in this identity.
All I have is the faith that was expressed in the beginning of this process by the many committees and people that entered my life and helped me to discern (to see more clearly) what God was calling me to. Now, five years later, I am living that life and seeing what it is for real.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Sunday, April 29, 2007
A dream that leaves me troubled
So, for an update to all you who have eagerly awaited a post for the last few months, I have accepted a position here in Virginia at my field education site. My spouse and I have spent the last three weeks or so rejoicing about it, getting ready for the move, thinking about how we want to live, where the kids are going to sleep and play, the typical excited yet nervous family stuff.
But with the relief of the search for my next call over, other anxieties start to take center stage. Last night in a dream I was running back and forth around this area witnessing people packing their things up and leaving. Doubly scary was the fact that everyone was packing on the same day, but I chalk that up to the surreal dream world. What has me troubled is my reaction. In the past, like when I left undergraduate or my teaching positions, I wasn't as emotionally troubled by it, and my high school terminus was a time to rejoice. In my dream, I was in full remorse and water-works mode. I think under the surface of all the craziness that goes on in these last months of seminary (graduation, all the 'parties', then getting ordained and starting work) those much more powerful undercurrents are at work, tugging at hearts (at least mine).
This dream was a wake-up call for me. I don't want to look back in a few years and regret these last days. Not that I am called to live it up and party like it's 1999, I mean, I have a baby on the way! But I am not going to take for granted these last few days that I have with the people with whom I have struggled with. Struggled to figure out some important nugget about God, or just struggled to survive the GOEs with. We may be relegated to cyber-living for the most part, but I don't have to lose these friends like I did in the past.
I remember needing to learn about saying goodbye as a part of discerning my call to the priesthood (Rev. Nancy, you rock with that ability to see the future), and I see now that taking shortcuts and bleeding out the pain is no way to say goodbye. I want my friends and I to be honest about this transition, and perhaps this blog is the first step. We don't need to carry tissues the rest of the year, but we need to be intentional about saying goodbye, closing some chapters while learning to begin new ones. The wonderful thing about the chapters in the book of life is that the characters can be a part of many chapters. My seminary career might be ending, but my interwoven life with these characters does not need to end. Thanks be to God.
But with the relief of the search for my next call over, other anxieties start to take center stage. Last night in a dream I was running back and forth around this area witnessing people packing their things up and leaving. Doubly scary was the fact that everyone was packing on the same day, but I chalk that up to the surreal dream world. What has me troubled is my reaction. In the past, like when I left undergraduate or my teaching positions, I wasn't as emotionally troubled by it, and my high school terminus was a time to rejoice. In my dream, I was in full remorse and water-works mode. I think under the surface of all the craziness that goes on in these last months of seminary (graduation, all the 'parties', then getting ordained and starting work) those much more powerful undercurrents are at work, tugging at hearts (at least mine).
This dream was a wake-up call for me. I don't want to look back in a few years and regret these last days. Not that I am called to live it up and party like it's 1999, I mean, I have a baby on the way! But I am not going to take for granted these last few days that I have with the people with whom I have struggled with. Struggled to figure out some important nugget about God, or just struggled to survive the GOEs with. We may be relegated to cyber-living for the most part, but I don't have to lose these friends like I did in the past.
I remember needing to learn about saying goodbye as a part of discerning my call to the priesthood (Rev. Nancy, you rock with that ability to see the future), and I see now that taking shortcuts and bleeding out the pain is no way to say goodbye. I want my friends and I to be honest about this transition, and perhaps this blog is the first step. We don't need to carry tissues the rest of the year, but we need to be intentional about saying goodbye, closing some chapters while learning to begin new ones. The wonderful thing about the chapters in the book of life is that the characters can be a part of many chapters. My seminary career might be ending, but my interwoven life with these characters does not need to end. Thanks be to God.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
What's up in the air today...
So, today we should try to list the things that are up in the air due to the impending transition coming this June. Since I don't know whether I will be here in Virginia or back home in Connecticut starting this June, many things have had to be put on hold or atleast into nebulous positions. First up is housing. Nancy and I have started making decisions around things based on how heavy/bulky/worth moving they are. I have been shleping stuff downstairs to storage and have thrown out some stuff too. That's probably a good thing, although my legs and knees have something else to say.
But beyond that is what are we going to do about baby furniture. If we end up in a house of some sort (yea!) we will have plenty of decisions about what child gets what room and what furniture we'll need, so long as it is affordable. On the other hand, if we are stuck in another apartment, what are we going to have to settle for and how are we going to make it work. It leads to alot of heated discussion over the above topics for one.
Then there is the Army. As a soldier in the 257th National Guard Band, I have responsibilities and potential duties that need to be planned for. If I end up moving 600 miles north, all of those plans and possibilities go out the window. If we stick around here, then I have lots of things I am having to watch go by, like promotions, musical assignments, etc. And you know, if we move, there's the whole fiasco of finding another unit to join. What joy...
Then there are the hobbies. From beer making, which has been postponed indefinitely since moving equipment full of beer is much much harder than moving empty clean stuff, is completely on hold. Sadness...Moment of silence. And my amateur radio stuff is virtually boxed up and waiting for a place to be used. I know, I just advertised my absolute geekness to the world. Oh, well... better to be honest.
You know, I thought I would write tonight about the aftermath of the GOE results, but surprizingly I want to talk about these instead. Let's hope the Diocese agrees that these are more important to worry about.
Next blog? Definitely about the good things happening. And trust me, there are good things happening... I just needed to rant.
But beyond that is what are we going to do about baby furniture. If we end up in a house of some sort (yea!) we will have plenty of decisions about what child gets what room and what furniture we'll need, so long as it is affordable. On the other hand, if we are stuck in another apartment, what are we going to have to settle for and how are we going to make it work. It leads to alot of heated discussion over the above topics for one.
Then there is the Army. As a soldier in the 257th National Guard Band, I have responsibilities and potential duties that need to be planned for. If I end up moving 600 miles north, all of those plans and possibilities go out the window. If we stick around here, then I have lots of things I am having to watch go by, like promotions, musical assignments, etc. And you know, if we move, there's the whole fiasco of finding another unit to join. What joy...
Then there are the hobbies. From beer making, which has been postponed indefinitely since moving equipment full of beer is much much harder than moving empty clean stuff, is completely on hold. Sadness...Moment of silence. And my amateur radio stuff is virtually boxed up and waiting for a place to be used. I know, I just advertised my absolute geekness to the world. Oh, well... better to be honest.
You know, I thought I would write tonight about the aftermath of the GOE results, but surprizingly I want to talk about these instead. Let's hope the Diocese agrees that these are more important to worry about.
Next blog? Definitely about the good things happening. And trust me, there are good things happening... I just needed to rant.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
A starting point somewhere in the middle
Hi All! I figure it is time now to open up some reflections to the world as a way for folks to get to know me. As I prepare for ordination in the Episcopal Church, there is always something to reflect on, whether it is my own steps toward the next chapter in life or observations on the stumbles and successes of my beloved church.
Beyond and around these topics though is my family, presently two young adults and one very young adult. Well, at least Naomi seems like a young adult, as she laughs at jokes, tries to play games with us, protests going to bed, and generally laughs at everything like a healthy person. The only problem is she is 17 months old and has about 5 words at her command! She's a peach, though. My loving bride Nancy, who has agreed to follow me on the seemingly insane life course is worth every humanitarian award there is. I'll post pictures of us at some point.
So, with all these inputs into my life, there is plenty to pay attention to as things constantly change. Hence our title, Transitional Life. Enjoy and see you soon.
Beyond and around these topics though is my family, presently two young adults and one very young adult. Well, at least Naomi seems like a young adult, as she laughs at jokes, tries to play games with us, protests going to bed, and generally laughs at everything like a healthy person. The only problem is she is 17 months old and has about 5 words at her command! She's a peach, though. My loving bride Nancy, who has agreed to follow me on the seemingly insane life course is worth every humanitarian award there is. I'll post pictures of us at some point.
So, with all these inputs into my life, there is plenty to pay attention to as things constantly change. Hence our title, Transitional Life. Enjoy and see you soon.
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